Well, we can't keep going on and on about Orcs, not while there's a pasty teabag of a race called the Elves that we can go on about endlessly. Thanks to Drizzt Do'Urden and Orlando Bloom's portrayal of the otherwise on-the-page faggot of an elf, Legolas, the elves have dominated the MMORPG character lists for years. The #1 race picked by overweight chicks from coast to coast, the elves reign supreme in their vegan, tree-hugging realms.
A magical race of thin, beautiful, flowing locked homosexuals has made a huge impact on the fantasy genre in the last 80 years or so. Before modern heroic fantasy, the elves were stuck at the North Pole making wooden toys for Santa Claus, now they wield double bladed swords and can shoot the eye out of a Goblin at 100 yards.
They are one with the forest and live for a 1,000 years. They enjoy pools of radiant water in which they get at least 200+ channels, and spout Shakespeare like you've never heard it before. Their most endearing quality is their languages: Mundanian and Quiznosian. Only true nerds can speak these languages of the shimmering realms fluently. They can only be supplanted by the Trekkers who speak Klingon... which, let's face it, is a real language.
Most players pick an elf warlock and then they deck him out with various rods, wands and staffs and play him until he reaches level 50, where they then sell him to some idiot in Des Moines for $250. The players can't wait until this character can summon armies of imps, wield chain lightning and excrete pure fantasy pleasure as they mow down orc villages with a conjuration or two.
The Elf Hunter is also good, with his trusty longbow and companion forest wolf at his side. This class was usually an ex-electric guitar guy from the 70's who lives in Michigan and hunts wild pigs on his own ranch.
And let's not forget the Elf Druid. This class is the tree-raper of tree-huggers! All they do all day is collect herbs and talk to stalks of corn. Their only defense is to entangle their attackers with vines from a nearby thicket and cower in the corner. But, the druids are cool, I mean, they built Stonehenge didn't they?
THE DARK ELVES
From the pages of the Nearly Forgotten Realms books, the character of Drizzit Dough'Urden has been the forerunner of the dark elf character. Singlehandedly, one character has defined a race sought after by D & D geeks and RPG players all over the world.
The dark elves are cool because they just don't give a f%$k! They live underground with no sunlight and worship some kind of Lovecraftian demon god. Their society is chaotic and violent, where family houses fight for control of the housing market and property values of the underworld.
They are usually black skinned and with flowing white hair, which is obviously a weave of some kind. They use cunning and assassination to get ahead in life, much like John Wilkes Boothe.
Their evil innate powers are: levitation and a globe of darkness, which the latter blocks everyone from seeing the strings which create the levitation illusion. Let's face it, they're pretty friggin cool!
Come on, I know you've done it? You've made an elf character, then you darkened his skin and made his hair all white and tried to call him Drizzt... only to have the game tell you "That name is not available". And, that's because the first guy whoever logged in to play our game used that name before anyone else, thinking he was so into fanatsy and everyone would love the "reference" to the dark elf.
Anyhow, enjoy your Elf, whatever his class may be and make him look cool would'ya please?
"Fare thee well stout-hearted traveller." - an elf in Lothlortigan Woods, being a total fag.
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