Taboos

This entry into the Orcfest 3 blog is to inform you of the taboos of our game (UnixEnix the creators of the game) and the things that we don't like you, (The renters of the use of the game) to do with our beloved property.
Never, ever, ever, ever make any of those stupid videos using our characters to lypsnch some pre-pubescent rock star's emo songs about life.  World of Warcraft has enough gay looking human characters singing and dancing to "I'm Too Sexy" and the next time I see a Tauren doing his rendition of "Living La Vida Loca", I'm going to rent a plane and take a huge dump over Blizzard Entertainment's headquarters.   These characters are created in order to kick major ass, not to jump around like the first guy leading the Gay Pride Parade.
And just because we programmed the characters to do the Elaine dance from Seinfeld, doesn't mean you need to use it in a mock music video every ten seconds.  And besides, let Michael Jackson rest in peace, we don't need to see some Goblin doing "Billie Jean".

Next, don't ever sell game items online for real cash!  This is a huge no-no, because we want the cash, not you.  We understand there's a huge office building in Malaysia that has a bunch of Malaysian geeks playing our game for 16 hours a day just so you can pay $100 for a magic sword you could've gotten on your own?
Americans should play 16 hours a day and get their magical swords for free!  And then what happens when you actually get to the point in the game when you should've gotten the sword?  You turn around and sell it like a virtual commodities broker and make $50 on the deal.  Next, we'll have all the hispanic single mom's getting their real estate licenses in virtual property and sell castles to Level 25 Uber-Paladins.  We don't need any virtual Michael Douglas's doing that stupid "Wall Street" speech on our headsets.

Also,  the trash talking has to do one of two things, either 1.) cease all together, or 2.) get more creative.  The current intellectuals who play the game seem to get stuck on the "cursing" each other out mode, which the direct antithesis to cursing out another driver on the road with the window up.   In that situation, the driver can see you, but not hear you.  In the gaming world, they can hear you, but not see you.  Therefore, the "Oh yeah, your mother's a whore!" really falls short of it's mark.  We need to really tear into each other if we're to keep the other listeners entertained. (As well as everyone here at UnixEnix who are listening in from time to time.)  Write down ideas while you're listening to your teacher rambling on at school or jot down some notes while you're bored at that office meeting.  A well prepared trash talker is a well valued piece of virtual entertainment.  Pull out the "Yo Mama" jokes nobody has ever heard of, or make fun of the obvious virginity of most of the players out there.  Keep it relevant to the fantasy game setting, say something like: "Yo Mama's so po' she had to move in with me, that's why I'm dealin' wit that Lyin' Bitch and her Wardrobe!"
Remember, keep it fresh.

Next, make sure your character has a cool name.  I'm sick of DARKKILLER665 and KING KOCK and stupid names like that.  Keep it relevant to the game or get a name that reflects your personality.  Names like: MOMMASBOY, ELFSPLITTER, FINGERCRAMPS, MOUNTAINDEW, PORKRIND, NEEDTACRAP, ANNOYINGF$#K, and 30YROLVIRGIN are good names.  Make sure it fits the character, which I'm sure looks exactly like you wish you looked in real life.

I hope these tips keep you enjoying our game as it was meant to be enjoyed, in a private darkened room, devoid of sunlight, and smelling like someone ralphed up their Grand Slam breakfast in one of the corners somewhere.

" Oorghhrumphka" - Last exhale of life from Thunderbloat, King of the Orc clan Bloodclot