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ORCFEST 3 is a MMRMORPGRTN set in a typical fantasy realm full of stereotypical archetypes of races and characters you’ve probably seen before in every other game. These cheats and tricks will get you to Level 372 in no time. The Level Cap will not be raised to more than that until the Expansion Pack: RAPE AND PILLAGE comes out as downloadable content (DLC), or an ill advised trip to Walmart (IATTW). The Level cap will be raised to 373 at that time. Next Spring, the Expansion ORCFEST 3: HOW LONG CAN THIS DRAGON? The Level cap will be set to 1,000!
Valuable Tricks and Cheats for ORCFEST 3: SHADOWS IN THE MIST OF FOGGY DOOM
This is about the 3 Glimmer balls on Level 9 of the Dungeon of Ill Repute: To get past them, you simply have to enable the Frost Expander Spell to any bladed weapon, while simultaneously making your character look like a total fag on the Character Editing screen. Use the "multi-colored" boots of anti-stealth as a +10 modifier.
The Dragon on Level 9 of the quest "Dragon Fodder" can only be subdued by using the Lyre of Pain upon entering and hiding behind the fifth rock next to the commode.
Remember, if you need to heal before encountering the Gibbering Foolishness of Golimsbad, then drink the Potion of Tolerance before you see the 18th suicide bomber emerge from the clown carriage.
The +5 Sword of Forgottenness is only used when you reach Level 21 and can’t be seen, even if equipped or strapped to your back.
Martlebabblongdia can be persuaded to sell you more than you can hold in the Endless Bag of Bags, if you advance your BS Rating to 125 and your Charisma Rating is at least 5,000.
If you want to get the Slathering Boar mount before Level 25, then got to Bratbeetle’s Farm just outside of the City of Ragamufins and use your Confusion Spell to crash your computer.
Remember to save gold pieces so that you can use them to expand the chest size of your female character at any apothecary.
Any orc character will have teeth jutting out of the bottom of his mouth and be green in color, there’s no way around this.
The Sword of Unelightenment causes a Globe of Darkness upon everything on the screen. But, just because the power light on your monitor goes off, doesn’t mean the screen is necessarily off... keep playing.
All emoticons for your character are disabled at level 19, just so we can have a little peace for awhile.
At the Inn of the Severed Hand, approach Digby the bartender. Use the third response to the question, "What the f@#k do you want?". When you respond to just what the F@#k you want,
he will lead you downstairs the cellar where you’ll have to battle huge, f@#king rats!
In PvP mode, always use up arrow and ctrl key to kick your opponent in the groin. It will use either the "Ballbreaker" or the "C^ntpunt" depending on sex of the opponent.
Barbaros the Barbarian can be persuaded to follow you, but only if your charisma and morale equal your personality and chutzpah level and divided by your bartering skill level, before reaching the Bubbling Swamp quest.
If your character becomes addicted to Elven Sweat Juice, you need to find a mobile apothecary and purchase a Purge Potion for 1,000 gold pieces. Or, you can murder the apothecary and get it for free, you be the judge, after all, it’s only a game.
Daggers blow! That’s all there is to it! Get a sword for god’s sake!
The Castle on Peerpoint Mountain contains the coveted Ring of Invisibility. When you get it you must say "My Precious" at least once per combat turn or you will turn into a shriveled, creepy individual.
Orc characters automatically get a -34 to charisma. Big surprise there!
Sorcerers and Mages will be as useless as expected since they can only cast each spell once every three days. They can’t use any weapons, nor can they be young and spry. They can consume all of the party’s provisions, if not watched at all times.
The Dung-Flinger trap used by the Bowery Elves can be dismantled, but only if you have acquired the Rubber Gloves and Disinfectant of Cormudgen.
The following Dragons have the following Breath Weapons, Adjust your strategy accordingly:
RED DRAGON - Fire, you idiot!
GREEN DRAGON - Nyquil spray.
YELLOW DRAGON - Pee.
PURPLE DRAGON - Prince’s Pee.
BLACK DRAGON - Cone of Chocolate Sauce.
WHITE DRAGON - Something cold as s**t!
PINK DRAGON - Semen.
ORANGE DRAGON - Tang.
AQUAMARINE DRAGON - ????
RAW UMBER DRAGON - Something Umberful!
PRISMATIC DRAGON - Hot and Cold, Chocolate Pee-Pee.
Here is a list of the new races and character classes added to ORCFEST 3. Each has special
abilities which can be unlocked at certain levels.
BOWERY ELVES: This less than elegant race of elves, begs and steals it’s way through life in the dankest alleys of major cities of the realm. At Level 20 they get a "Stinking Cloud" spell which surrounds their body at all times. After Level 35, they must always be in a position to leave the party’s adventure, as they cannot control emptying their bowels in public places.
DWARVEN PRIESTS: This class of Dwarf is dedicated to a god which allows he/she to control their congregation of followers with the threat of beheading by a humongous war axe. At level 18, the priest can "Turn the Undead" into a headless corpse, by the application of a humongous war axe. At Level 45, the Priest becomes a "Papal" Level character, usually by assassinating his competition with a humongous war axe.
HALF ELF/ QUARTER ORC: This character is part elf and part orc. Usually better suited at Ranger type occupations since that keeps them out of the cities, and away from anyone looking at their butt-ugly faces. At Level 28 they get the ability to "Lose the Will to Live" and are on suicide watch until Level 50, when, if they haven’t killed themselves, will insult someone and have them do it for them.
MAGIC ABUSER: This class clearly can’t do anything unless it involves magic. They can’t even sweep the floor of their own house without animating the broom and have it do that for them, while they sit back and read a magazine. At Level 4, everyone else in the party will be so sick of "Mr. Magic" that contempt will occur and the eventual expulsion of said Magic Abuser will take place. I mean, how many "Fireballs" can one really take?
UBER -PALADIN : This class is so far to the "Good Side" that the mere mention of an evil deed will send them into a tirade of B.S. about the error of one’s ways, etc. At Level 10, they receive from their god, the mighty +52 Longword of Good Deeds. Any Assassins or thieves within a mile
radius turn to a fine blue mist when wielded. Any impure thoughts are quickly dealt with through self-mutilation by the Paladin’s own horse.
FOREST DWELLER: This class of human usually resides in a log cabin, never shaves, and stockpiles huge amounts of weapons, in the fear that the government will take over and a revolution will soon need to take place. At Level 22, they have the ability to send explosive devices through the mail and, if threatened, light their own compound on fire to avoid capture.
They can have multiple spouses, usually pre-teens with a disposition to older men.
ILLUSIONIST: This character really doesn’t exist.
WARVISH DWARLORD: A new class in which the character speaks in his own made up language, usually by adding "ABA" to the end of the word, or talking backwards. At Level 16, they can make secret hand signs with other members of their race and communicate solely through the positioning of their eyebrows. They are the instigators of the anomaly known as "Doggy Foom" on which the name of the game is based.
ASSASSASSIN: This Character class is obsessed with Anal Sex and all combat is of that nature.
At Level 5, they get the unique "Fisting" ability added to their "Lubricant" Spell. At Level 35 they get to enhance their "Backstab" ability and... well, I think you get the picture?
PIXIE: Come on, who really wants to be a pixie? 5 inches tall and only have spells to make people sneeze? Get real!
PIXIE KILLER: Now we’re talking! This character has the ability, at Level 1, to have no tolerance for pixies and their stupid sneezing spells and can crush them in his/her hand and watch the guts spray all over!
SWORD FODDER: This class at Level 1, can’t fight or even do anything but cower as the attacker approaches. If they manage to reach Level 2, they win the game!
BARBAROUS ARISTOCRAT: This character class sits around all day being served fine wines and bon-bons by their butlers in their mansions, all the while sitting around with only a loincloth on. Their frequent beheadings are usually done when the other members of the aristocracy come by for a formal dinner.
DARK ELF - This racial class is frequently asked to sit at the back of the coach, drink from separate well springs, and precede all non-Dark Elves into battle. Even enemy Archers will use a different arrow when killing a Dark Elf. They will be refused service at the local pub and will be many decades before one will be admitted into the NGA - National Gladiators Association, where they will eventually excel and be the majority one day. They abhor the cold and don’t swim very well. They enjoy all forms of Fried Chicken and something called Barbeque.
LIGHT ELF - This racial class all look like Michael Jackson.
MIDGETLING - (Not a Hobbit) A small human-like race with hairy feet, who enjoy life to it’s fullest, but not like a Hobbit! They live in small caves nestled into a hill with large wooden non-Hobbit like doors and they do non-Hobbit like things, such as pipe smoking and dancing on the table at a local pub. The place where they live is called The Shire, but not like The Shire in The Lord of the Rings, no... quite different indeed! This Shire is badly in need of a gardener like Samwise Gamgee who lives here... but not the Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings, no... this Sam Gamgee lost a toe in a shovel incident. There’s no Bag End in this Shire, or family named Baggins, because they’ve all gone off to that War of the Ring thing and....oops, I meant... vacation.
ANTI-UBER PALADIN - This class is the opposite of the UBER PALADIN. They’re evil, plain and simple. Some titles for the various ranks of this class are ; Video Non-Rewinder, Dog-kicker, Cat Kicker, Baby Kicker, Chicken Raper, Egg Thrower, Toilet Paper Thrower, Dog Crap in a Flaming Paper Bag Setter, Tire Slasher, Eating a Sweet From the Bulk Bin Without Paying for It, Line Cutter, Theater Jumper, and the coveted grand title of Bane of Humanity.
HERE ARE SOME NEW ITEMS AND WEAPONS ALSO ADDED:
The Sword of the Merciless - When this sword is discovered in Dungeon 327, the wielder kills all without mercy even members of his own party.
Staff of Ra - This is used in the maproom to find out the location of the Well of Souls. But, take back one Kadam to honor the Hebrew god who’s Ark this is. (Used in cooperation with Amblin Entertainment and Paramount Pictures)
Wand of Stinger Missiles - Take out any flying creatures with this wand found in BeetleBroth’s hideout. It’s a shoulder mounted wand and it only fires once, but you can sell it to the ragheads in the Desert of Fools for 1,000,000 gold pieces.
+20 Trash Can Lid - Pretend, just like when you were a kid, that this shield makes you invisible
and comes back to you when you throw it!
Armor Deviled Ham - A strange, canned, minced meat with a pungent odor used to spread on bread and sustain oneself for another adventure. Has a devil on the wrapper. May be evil? Watch your Karma Level.
Arrow of Splinters - These arrows break as soon as you pull them from the quiver.
Thor’s Empty Toolbox - He has the hammer with him, don’t know where the rest of the tools are? He probably loaned them out and never got them back!
Balin’s Breath - Not really sure, but it smells like Deviled Ham. Could be evil?
Ring of Moods - a clear, glass ring, which when worn, shows you the mood of the wearer. The glass ring doesn’t change color, or anything but you can see it in their face.
Hutt of Baba Yaga - A strange hut which walks around on chicken legs and has a million interdimensional rooms inside it. Could be accompanied by the Tome of Plagiarism.
Glitch of Glitches - With this item you can: travel under the map and kill other players without them seeing you, get unlimited gold, get unlimited hit points, get unlimited experience points, have your character dance like a fool, walk through objects, see through objects, unlock a previously published game, unlock retro costumes, change the frame rate, e-mail at the same moment, download porn, and save your character to another person’s file to attack them while the game is off.
Here are some testimonials from virgins who sit at home playing with themselves all day:
"I love Orcfest 3: Shadows of Foggy Doom. My Level 35 Accountant has handled the kingdom’s wealth for years now. He’s always Crediting and Debiting, but his real talent lies in his ability to avoid a jail sentence by keeping two books of all the money accounts." - Mark Utility - Pittsburgh, PA
" I frequently find myself touching the naughty parts of my body when the erotic images appear on the screen. I quickly grab a bottle of-----", Sorry. This is a testimonial from another site!
"Beware the Wrath of Krugat, you useless mother-F@#kers! With my +30 Sword of Smite, I Smite you! You’ve been smote! BEEOCHES!" - Stephen Kriegersmoson - Speedbump, AK (His account has been revoked in order to make the other players a little less likely to hunt him down in real life.)
"World of Warcraft is a piece of s**t! Orcfest 3: Shadows of Foggy Doom IS the s**t! Where else can you dismember someone on line while drinking Redbull and getting fat on Cheetos. My self esteem has been raised to the point where I can actually talk to a girl without vomiting." - Bill Myerson - Somewhere near the Great Barrier Reef
"I think I’m the only girl who spends hundreds of hours on this game. It’s probably because I don’t douche regularly or wash my t*ts."- Grace Himmler - Okietown, WI
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